Another Sad Day In The Ward/Davis Family

Clint and I have had a very emotional year. We have had a lot of adventures and fond amazing memories but we have also had some tragedies. A year ago we decided we wanted to start a family. If you have read my log in the past you would know that I have had two miscarriages already and it was really hard for me to come to terms with that and to be myself again. Since we have moved to Georgia I have made some real progress. But of course right when things seem to be going well tragedy has to hit again. And it did.

I found out I was pregnant again, and this time I had a hormone supplement to take to help prevent a miscarriage again. Unfortunately, on April 20th, there was nothing I could do. I lost another baby. Clint and I were incredibly happy and felt so blessed to be expecting again. We tried to be realistic and not get our hopes up but who were we kidding. We started planning everything, all over again, for a third time. 

We went to the Doctor and found out our baby was behind in development. As soon as she said those words I knew what they meant. But I tried to stay positive because we were going to FL for the weekend to celebrate Clint's birthday. Everything was going well until it all happened. We spent the day crying, watching movies, playing Yahtzee, anything to try and distract us from what was real and what was happening. 

I have read many blog about other women who have had several miscarriages and I want to write about mine too in case someone who is struggling comes upon it. It is the hardest thing we have ever been through. It is painful and we are both just so heart broken. And just mad. But it is ok to feel all of those emotions. For me though the hardest part is having to feel these emotions, and go through the grieving process, multiple times. Just when I get back up I get knocked back down. I try to be strong but it's overrated. 

So, the next step in our situation is to see a fertility specialist. You think we could just get this started and it would all be easy to set up but it never is. I have to wait for my OBGYN to do tests, to approve it, to refer me, to let my insurance know...etc... I just WANT to see a specialist but I have to wait on others to make it happen and it is not on the top of their list by any means. 

Why does it have to be so hard to have a baby? Why, when you can't have a baby, does it have to be so hard to get into a specialist who can, hopefully, give you answers? There is so much waiting and it kills me. I have never been a patient person. For anyone who may be reading this and feeling a little lost too, just know that as hard as the waiting has been and continues to be for Clint and I we still try to look forward to the moment we have a baby. And we know that baby will be more loved than any other baby in the world! It will be worth it...at least that is what I need to keep telling myself to get through the day.